Well it seems like things are starting to get better for me. I'm actually starting to be happy & it's scaring the crap out of me because normally it ends badly for me but I'm trying not to let the fear get in the way. I'm also trying to not stop it from happening so I guess I will just have to wait & see how this all plays out. A couple of very good friends have stopped talking to me & that has kinda woke me up to the way I have become. Plus I knew that my close friend that passed away would be very disappointed in me & since I have disappointed him enough I decided it was time to try to find myself again. So with the help of a good friend that I have been talking to for a couple of months now, I'm on the road to getting better. This with him are also going in a very good direction. I have never felt so safe with anyone as I do when I'm in his arms. When we are together I don't have to fake a smile, he justs brings it out in me. It is the best feeling ever. Just wish I could share with some friends that don't talk to me anymore. I think they would be really surprised at how much I have changed & I would love for them to be there to share the rest of the change with me as well.